a seamless crush of colours

Why, A Villanelle

2010-04-19T06:02:00.000+08:00

you came to me and said goodbye
you said our love had gone astray
yet never did i ask you why

not once did i come close to cry
despite your words the fateful day
you came to me and said goodbye

you showed my entire life, a lie
my dreamsilk sky begun to fray
yet never did i ask you why

my pleas must have adorned my eyes
how did you manage not to sway
you came to me and said goodbye

i've hoped and wished in years gone by
the words and pleas that i could say
yet never did i ask you why

that day my heart and soul did die
the day you chose to walk away
you came to me and said goodbye
yet never did i ask you why

the monochrome sky

2009-11-04T08:00:00.001+08:00

differing shades of grey
accented by that crisp smell.

there's that tell-tale tingle
of knowing it's about to begin.

you stand there waiting
for the imminent deluge

to be enveloped by its entirety
to be crushed by its totality

to be caressed.
every inch of skin. tracing its way down
eyelids to lips
icy kisses down your back

waiting

to be free.

rain

2009-11-04T07:59:00.001+08:00

pelting. painful. comforting.

you're standing there in it's embrace.
hair plastered to your face
goosebumps and sporadic shivers.

still,
head just tilted oh so slightly,
with your lips just that bit parted.

it's the sum of its sensations
the smell that permeates you
the tingle that trickles down to your toes.

like sheets of monochrome privacy.

it's so much more than everything.

jericho

2009-11-04T07:58:00.001+08:00

no matter how high i build them
those walls of indifference

they fall.
in ashes. in dust. in tears.

your voice

like the ones of a thousand men long ago

in that one
still moment.

brings them crashing down.

you don't have to say much
each word is already a chorus

each whisper
already defeaning.

you don't know how much you break me,
every. time. you talk.

imagine

2009-11-04T07:47:00.001+08:00

a trick of light and perspective
made the puddle look like

it was teeming with fishes
as they turned as one
flashing their silver sides

the rain drops seemed to make the puddle sparkle

like an unending firework
whose sparks never stopped falling
a stream of monochrome glitter

imagine that.
plummetting into a pool only so deep
drawn in by a coincidence of raindrops and light

caught
held
by such simple beauty

only to have it
gone, with the sun.

stand still

2009-05-21T10:24:00.002+08:00

standing in that downpour
unnerved by its silence

it's like nothing you've felt before
yet there's some resonance

as dense as the heaviest thunderstorm
you can't see beyond your hands

you can barely tell it's early morn
as it slowly blankets the land

cold yet not wet how unlike the rain
that you grew up running through

magical, almost arcane
the snow that's embracing you

bedtime

2009-05-21T10:22:00.001+08:00

so feed me your endless lies
and dreams of make believe

tell me of those endless skies
and how forever's our destiny

sing to me, a lullaby
with words so hollow sweet

how you'll love me till the day i die
how you'll always hold me tight

so i can close my eyes and sigh
as the stars chase the light

your honeyed tongue will get me by
on your fairytale goodnight

words

2007-06-22T21:20:00.001+08:00

it's not really passion.
there is little yearning.

a test. if you will.
to reassure myself.

that i am who i strive to be.

poetry.
craft, art and trial.

i write to push myself.
to show myself.

that i can.
to flex the mastery i ought to grasp.

it doesn't matter if there is no symbolism.
no pathetic fallacy. no wondrous literary constructs.

poetry isn't about that.
it's about shaping the words
so they call to the blood.

they invoke it. conjure it. caress it.

they make you feel.

i make you feel.

play

2007-06-22T21:19:00.001+08:00

it's an empty room
sprawling with chairs.

you're alone in the lobby
hammering away at that old piano.

you have no audience
except yourself.
and even you aren't really listening.

it's not about the sound.
music isn't about what's audible.
it's emotional.

pure. powerful. primal.

your eyes are closed.
you've got salt on your fringe.
but the only thing you feel are those cold ivory keys.

and you play.

poetry

2007-06-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

it wasn't at all like i imagined.
it wasn't tense, it wasn't staccato

it was if you were writing on the keyboard
a languid legato of notes
hesitant, lost, tentative.

i had dreamt of more anger.
more power. of thumping keys and jerking shoulders.

but your fluiditiy was jarring.
it was almost.
identical to when i play my words out on paper.

if i closed my ears
and felt my way to that thinnest of whispers
carried by the notes you played,

i could read your words
as clear as any poem.

you're as much a poet as me.

that old mold

2007-06-22T21:14:00.000+08:00

he's got an old mold.
all curves and sharp edges,

cast from that one girl,
that one from long ago
the one who slipped through his fingers

he knows what he's looking for
he's looking for someone who'll fit
but

his hands are bleeding from trying
cut on the razor edge as he's pushed and prodded
various misfits

he doesn't mind the blood
only

each time he tries, and fails,
the mold gets that little bit slicker

each time he squeezes in a hope
the mold gets that little bit bigger

he can feel it's shape changing
though it's not really discernable

he can smell it's evolution
despite how he tries to hammer it back into shape

he's frightened by how each misfit
seems to mis-fit by that little less

it's become a race
to see if he can find a fit
to find that right someone
before his mold is a mangled memory

to find someone to love
while he still remembers what he's looking for.

or maybe.

if he just stopped looking. searching. trying.
and kept his precious mold deep in his embrace

maybe

happiness will just happen.

just like.
that.

never

2006-12-05T16:42:00.000+08:00

you can sayproclaimdeclare i love you
you can adorn my feet with your hair.

you can promise you'll never hurt me
that you'll always meet me there.

but you'll never take my jaded heart
you'll never caress my soul.

you'll never taste my whisper kisses
you'll never have and hold.

you'll never inhale my desperate moanings
you'll never feel me cry

you won't come close to urge me writhing
you'll never hear me sigh

you'll never know i write these words sobbing

waiting.
wanting.
dreaming.

wanting everything you'll never do.
so aware that when you say i love you
we both know it's never true.

untitled

2006-11-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

have you ever wondered
if the lord above isn’t lording, but cowering
maybe free will fire nuclear power wasn’t part of the master plan
maybe we’re little toys that got out of hand
maybe he created heaven to hide from us
because if you had god before you, flesh and whole
wouldn’t you poke him prod him cut him to see if he bleeds
wouldn’t you hurt him for never answering those pleas
if you did what he did, and didn’t do what he didn’t
you’d be scared too.

leakage

2006-10-29T21:36:00.001+08:00

you seep to the surface,
at the weirdest moments and times

you rise to the forefront of my memories
as i conjure my words and rhymes

you twirl at the edges
as i jack off behind closed eyes

no matter how many times i say i'm over you,
i know it's never true.

friends

2005-10-23T20:56:00.000+08:00

if only you'd tell me,
because i won't always know when you're hurting,
i won't always know when you're in need.

if only you'd ask me,
i'd give you my heart, i'd give you my shoulder.
it doesn't matter if you drench it in tears,
i won't flinch if you wail into my ears.

i may tell you what you need to hear,
or maybe, just the truth.

but you'll never know,
we'll never know,
whether i can help you put the pieces back together,
if only,
you'd ask.

risque.

2005-09-04T20:09:00.000+08:00

i wouldn't say i love you
but i don't know where in my heart you stand
i could tell you how you look in my dreams
when you hold my hand
when we lounge in bed, naked
but it's all so fake, it's all just dreams.
as i listen to you gush about your boyfriend
as i read your blog knowing
i'll never be the 'you' you're talking to.
as we stay just friends
all i'll ever have are dreams.

untitled

2005-07-03T01:05:00.000+08:00

coffee stains and smoke rings
my new companions in writing
that, and grating adolescents
who flaunt their couplehood
as readily as they do the crest
perched upon their breasts
hers nubile, perky, his, toned, broad
oh the joys of youth
i feel so old, yet know
only a smattering of years seperates us
it's the loss that really divides us
the teasing ache of heartbreak
that truly takes away the spirit of youth
regardless of age
love will forever give you wings
where then, are my angel's wings
who then, is my deliverer?

addiction

2005-07-03T00:38:00.000+08:00

the knowing subservience to a harmful substance
the knowledge but none of the power
crack smack smoke dope
it's all the same
a quest for the increasingly elusive rush
running down the slippery slope
alcohol weed sex
the pinnacle of self-destruction
just to escape the imagined nadir
the willing enslavement of soul
for the fleeting freedom of impure
adulterated
bliss.

untitled

2005-07-02T12:47:00.000+08:00

There's no way to express it in its entirety
The gaping hollowness that claws at my chest
How do I convey the despair the emptiness the ache.

You don't know the tears I shed you don't come close to comprehending the degree
of my futile desperation.

I can't come close to verbalizing.
I can't come close to speaking.

untitled

2005-07-02T12:38:00.000+08:00

as you stop,
panting, gasping, sweating at your front door
you wonder how you ended there
what inspired the flight
the reckless dash, Eugenides in hand, soft hair splayed behind you
was it the stares as you sat there alone
the whispers as you tried to bury your face in your book
the knowing smiles as you tried to hide behind the fascination of your mediocre food?
I hope
you know better, that it wasn't any of those things
no one else hastened your running, no one else sparked your retreat
it was you, cloistered in your aching loneliness,
haunted by the nagging need for companionship
it was you
only you,
that had you run home.

untitled

2005-06-26T06:43:00.000+08:00

The way you leave
after what's been done
Leaves me gasping and grasping
yearning for more
Your fading kisses still burn on my lips
The smell of your hair not yet leaving my breath
I can still feel your warmth
seeping through my palms like light
I can just taste
the sweetness of your innermost soul

I want you
I crave you,
The memories of you
will never, ever,
Sate me
Only your touch will give me release.

untitled

2005-06-26T06:40:00.000+08:00

My Lord, My God
Why hast thou forsaken me?
I was your crucible
Revealer of purity
now discarded, forgotten

and Yet,

I have won.
for they are mine.

I have drunk at the Lamb
through the lips of the sinner

I have tasted the Bread
broken upon shattered faith

I am who you meant to be
I am, who I am
And they are mine
for eternity.

untitled

2005-06-26T06:39:00.000+08:00

you'll never just be friends
the overwrought break-up
clichéd lines and broken dreams
inside you know
that there's more than what's in your head
it’s the blood calling urging screaming
you can pretend all you want
but
you'll never just be friends.

"where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth"

2005-06-26T06:35:00.000+08:00

my tears are
a requiem of my innocence
stemmed from the breathless
emotional fatigue that embraces my skin
like a near invisible sheen of sweat
(it's there)
I learnt to bleed and whimper but no one ever told me
as you pierce my soul again and again
impaling my chaste purity upon
the phallacies you wield
like a god
no one ever told me
I would die spasming upon the sheets again
and again.

untitled

2005-06-26T06:34:00.000+08:00

Your flight
So quick upon climax
Leaves me gasping and grasping
clutching handfuls of emptiness
Your fading kisses burning
On my lips the
Smell of your hair fast leaving my breath
I can still feel your warmth
Seeping through my fingers like sand
Grains not of what is,
but of what was,
Memoria
of You

untitled

2005-06-26T06:33:00.000+08:00

The way you leave
after all we've done
Like Cinderella on the night when
midnight meant disaster
Leaves me gasping and grasping
clutching handfuls of emptiness
Emotions eating at me
Your fading kisses burning
On my lips the
Smell of your hair fast leaving my breath
I can still feel your warmth
Though it seeps through my palms like light
Fleeing from darkness
I can still remember you say "I love..."

Wait.

Wait for it.
For the rush... Almost there...
Harder
Faster

"You."

Game. Set. And match.

Induced

2005-06-26T06:31:00.000+08:00

as my eyes loll with the rush
I see the world as it should be seen.
I can see
You. Feel you. Grinding your body against me
a seamless crush of colour
Smell your scented hair. Carrying me further and further
Almost there
when
I'm torn. Into black and white
Searching for a fix
Searching for
You.

untitled

2005-06-26T06:30:00.000+08:00

the dreams I dream
still have you in them.
Not too often
Just about every time.
Not quite enough.
I still hang onto every word, linger at every smile,
shiver at every laugh when I close my eyes to remember.
I can’t stop the way I cry when I climb out of bed
Into the cold sunlight
Don't want to stop the dreams
of a world that lets me love you
Its the only time it's true.

don't tap on the glass

2005-06-26T06:28:00.000+08:00

A wall of soundproof glass
Imposed between conscious and subconscious
Caught between you and me

Seems like so long ago
My eyes long dry
The only hint of what had passed
A whisper in my mind

If I were to simply
Turn around and gaze
Into that hazy yesterday
Maybe. Just maybe,
I might remember

But why should I
Rake up such images
Of a utopia long lost
I have no desire to recall
Don’t want to see
Any visage of you
So don't get my attention
Don't
Tap on the glass

untitled

2005-06-26T06:26:00.001+08:00

spirals of iridescent colours
the tail fire, of a falling star
symbols of hope
crushed.

untitled

2005-06-26T06:26:00.000+08:00

I offer you something
The deepest darkest desires stemmed
From a carnal aspect of my mind
A bestial lust indescribable
The craving of flesh
So smooth and tender
Desire for another
To be ground against you
The warmth of base passion
All hidden deep within my consciousness
Gilded over by the irony of truth
That in some sick demented way
I love you.

a still of ten minutes

2005-06-26T06:25:00.000+08:00

Last night,
I had sex
Not
PassionateMadSenseless sex
But
CautiousGradualUnsure sex
After it all
She cried
Her tears biting far deeper than skin deep
What could I do but hold her and
whisper
It's all right.

Symphony

2005-06-26T06:23:00.000+08:00

A timpani
Beating an insane song
Screaming a grotesque mockery
Of my sonata of life
A hollow sound, chilling, cold
Empty.
All the sounds meshed
Into a melancholic siren
Of sounds so cliché
As the notes echo against my brain
I recoil
the jerky steps
betray me to the world
Their toneless criticism
Melding
Into the orchestra
Of my mind

Weaving

2005-06-26T06:19:00.000+08:00

A spider web
Is imposed onto the fabric of space
Threaded in darkness
Woven in malice
To hide its gruesome creator
Along with his equally gruesome purpose
Simply said
Spider webs hide more than spiders

Its glistening strands
Of deceptive silk
A mask
Of what lies beyond
Pearls of entrapping nectar
Adorn the
Intricate surreal quilt
Drying in the breeze

Motionless it mulls
Upon the silvery construct
An intricate pattern
Woven into the circle
That I began

Fear of the Unknown

2005-06-26T06:17:00.000+08:00

I shirk
From the rainbow
Tingling Chords
Strike at unaccustomed senses
As the vice of fear grips at me
I am scared
So very scared
For I want not
This alien concept
This thing
To infringe on my well worn borders
Of known emotion
Made barren
By pain
I want not this
This scary affliction
Of Happiness

Worry Doll

2005-06-26T06:16:00.000+08:00

Blown onto into through
A simple receptacle of pained dark
Words. Air. Sounds.
Treated
Like a broken straw doll
Wrung, pulled compressed in your nervous hands
Imparting the corruptive knowledge
Of your sorrows
Ridding me, o so casually, of my ignorance
My innocence.
Twirling me
Like what I am to you
A worry doll
Tainted
Scarred
Irreparable
Irrelevant

Forest Laughter

2005-06-26T06:09:00.000+08:00

Dark laughter of the leaves
Slivers of pale moonlight
Breaking the silence of the breeze
Listen to the chorus of the night.