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coffee stains and smoke rings
my new companions in writing
that, and grating adolescents
who flaunt their couplehood
as readily as they do the crest
perched upon their breasts
hers nubile, perky, his, toned, broad
oh the joys of youth
i feel so old, yet know
only a smattering of years seperates us
it's the loss that really divides us
the teasing ache of heartbreak
that truly takes away the spirit of youth
regardless of age
love will forever give you wings
where then, are my angel's wings
who then, is my deliverer?

addiction

the knowing subservience to a harmful substance
the knowledge but none of the power
crack smack smoke dope
it's all the same
a quest for the increasingly elusive rush
running down the slippery slope
alcohol weed sex
the pinnacle of self-destruction
just to escape the imagined nadir
the willing enslavement of soul
for the fleeting freedom of impure
adulterated
bliss.

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There's no way to express it in its entirety
The gaping hollowness that claws at my chest
How do I convey the despair the emptiness the ache.

You don't know the tears I shed you don't come close to comprehending the degree
of my futile desperation.

I can't come close to verbalizing.
I can't come close to speaking.

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as you stop,
panting, gasping, sweating at your front door
you wonder how you ended there
what inspired the flight
the reckless dash, Eugenides in hand, soft hair splayed behind you
was it the stares as you sat there alone
the whispers as you tried to bury your face in your book
the knowing smiles as you tried to hide behind the fascination of your mediocre food?
I hope
you know better, that it wasn't any of those things
no one else hastened your running, no one else sparked your retreat
it was you, cloistered in your aching loneliness,
haunted by the nagging need for companionship
it was you
only you,
that had you run home.